(no subject)

[theirlawyer]

Ainsley knew that there was a lot of courage involved in what she was planning on discussing with Shadow and she had to be wary of this. It wasn't like they were established, wasn't like they had been together for so long that it would be mad otherwise. They'd been together for fourteen months and while that was nothing to frown at, it certainly wasn't the keys to that house at the end of the drive; the end of a path.

But Ainsley was about to turn thirty-six years old in a matter of days and she wanted things that might escape her if she didn't start trying for them. Of course, that meant discussion with Shadow. They had said March.

And now it was March.

She was folding some of the laundry in Shadow's hut, arranging things in the proper places that she had deemed for them. She hadn't made many changes; just enough to make herself feel at home. And she was waiting. Waiting and biding her courage forward, hoping she would have enough to say the words she wanted to speak.

Comments

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"Okay," she echoed and took a deep breath, arranging herself in her chair. She had perfect posture and she had eye contact. Both things were very important, she told herself. "First, I've asked Rollie to give me a checkup and everything came up normal, so if we do decide to try at this, there shouldn't be anything standing in our way. I would raise the baby until you were comfortable with the situation, of course. If you didn't want to do it immediately."

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

He took this all in with a nod. She kept giving him outs, if he wanted them. Making it clear she wasn't pressuring him at all and letting him work out what he wanted.

He had to figure out what that was then. Whether he was ready, could be ready, for that sort of step.

"You want this," Shadow said after a moment, and it wasn't a question. "Is this- you want to start trying now? I know you wanted to talk about it again in March, but this is-" He smiled slightly and rubbed a hand over his mouth. "This is now and not just a general future."

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"I don't exactly have the rest of my life to sit around thinking of the obscure possibility," Ainsley pointed out, her voice small and slightly anxious considering how much careful thought she had put into all of this. "I'm running out of time. I'll be thirty-six soon and that means I'd be thirty-seven at best. By the time the baby is eighteen, I'll have passed my goal retirement age."

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

"Ainsley," he said in a low, warm voice as he put his hand out on the table for hers. Steady despite nerves. They just had to keep talking about what mattered and they'd come through. "Ainsley. You don't have to justify yourself to me. You don't. I just want to know what you want and when you want it."

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"I just don't want you to feel as though somehow I've corralled you into a split decision that you'll come to regret," Ainsley babbled, all her nerves flying out as she clasped his hand tightly and just went on a fast ramble. "I don't want this to be something you hate, but do because you love me."

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

"That's not what I'm afraid of," he assured her and held tight to her hand. "Ainsley, I-" Funny how they weren't doing anything monumental, just talking, but his pulse was racing and there was something like nerves in his belly.

He tried again.

"I love you. That's not going away. And if I- if you found a baby in a basket tomorrow, I'd be there with you. Every step of the way. Not because you pressured me or dragged me- because I want to. Not just for you. For me. For the little person in the basket."

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

Those were amongst the sweetest words that Ainsley had ever heard in her life and something in her face reflected that. "Does this mean that you would be willing to make a stab of an attempt at a serious, real-life with me? Not that what we're doing isn't real, but we're still a family missing one piece, in my mind."

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

Shadow nodded slightly and squeezed her fingers. He was smiling at her, just a little bit, but there was warmth there.

There were uncertainties and worries, still. Questions that should be asked and answered for the both of them. But it was...yeah.

She was asking him, and right then everything in him knew the answer.

"Yeah. I would be. I want to."

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

Ainsley had a rushed feeling of adrenaline spiking through her and it made her wonder if they were actually speaking aloud about what they were. "Shadow," she said, feeling dazed and winded and pleased and delighted at once. "Did we just agree to try and raise a family?"

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

"Yeah." He grinned at her. "Yeah, I think we just did."

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

Ainsley let loose a bark of a relieved laugh and her eyes brightened fully. "So does this mean that you and I should just start trying? Or do we have to make some kind of vow, or...what do we do?"

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

Laughing quietly, he leaned across the table to catch her face between his hands and kiss her. Start with this and maybe if she wanted to make up a vow later, they could do that too.

But this first.

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

Ainsley leaned right into the kiss, the warmth on her lips enticing her more than she thought possible and she swore there was a spark of something else entirely. That just because they had made this decision, new doors to their relationship were opening.

By the time she parted, she was slightly breathless. "Should Karen know? Should we tell Rollie? Or anyone?"

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

He pulled away enough to let her talk, but smoothed his thumb over her cheek softly. "I don't know," Shadow said, and he was still smiling. "Sure. I guess so. Or not. I don't know. Both?"

It wasn't a real answer to the question, but Shadow was feeling agreeable.

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"That happened to be a great number of answers at once," Ainsley couldn't help pointing out with the most gentle of teases to her voice. "Yes, no, and maybe all at once, that's impressive, Shadow."

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

His response was to just lean in and kiss her again for a long moment, but not without a nip to her bottom lip.

Then Shadow pulled back reluctantly and sat back down. They had to actually finish the conversation, not just get the big stuff out of the way and jump straight to the fun stuff.

"So, you said, Rollie gave you a check-up?"

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"Rollie has taken my blood and prodded me and poked and did just about everything that a doctor needs to in order to assess fertility rates in a place as desolate as this one," Ainsley assessed, considering that she didn't know how else to put it.

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

Shadow nodded slightly as he pressed his lips together to think that over. She'd been really thinking about this for a while, if she went to get a check-up from Rollie.

"Would you want him to be your main doctor? Or there's- Lilly's a midwife, plus lots of doctors." He smiled slightly and rubbed his hand over his mouth. "I might be getting ahead of myself."

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"I'd really like it to be Rollie, yes," Ainsley agreed, thoughtful and serious again, as if they were discussing legislature on the books. "I'd have a degree of comfort with someone familiar in my life rather than someone I've only ever met in passing. Only if you agree, of course."

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, 'f course. Should ask him, see if he'd want to." Shadow didn't see why Rollie wouldn't – never really turned down a chance to do some doctoring – but maybe with someone as close as Ainsley was, things were different.

A quick grin flashed over his face, full of a deep fondness. "Find out if he'd mind being there ever step of the way."

Rollie and Shadow and Ainsley and Karen. This little family they'd made for themselves. Whatever happened, Rollie'd be a part of this, somehow.

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"Being there from conception until the baby is born?" When Ainsley put it like that, she didn't even know how she was going to manage with her anticipation. Just the word, just saying 'baby' and knowing it was a prospect for their future thrilled her more than she could say.

"I'd like that, yes. He needs a part. And oh, my god, Shadow. Karen. We shouldn't be telling her this until it's a sure thing," Ainsley said carefully.

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

"Maybe from the step after conception and onwards," Shadow allowed with a smile. His fingers threaded with hers again but his expression went thoughtful at that, then he nodded. Nothing like a guarantee things would work out the way they wanted to. Ainsley had got checked out, sure, but he hadn't been. And then there were other things that could happen. Miscarriage was a word that suddenly carried more menace than it had this morning. "Yeah, definitely."

He let out a breath and then shook his head. "Do you want to hear a worry of mine?"

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

"Well, he's very special to me, but no, I don't think I'd like to be genetic bingo with my first child," she admitted wryly, a little smirk to accompany the words, but the moment he mentioned the word 'worry', she was fully listening. "What is it?"

[palmthemoon.livejournal.com]

He let out a breath before saying anything as he tried to put it in a way that didn't sound ridiculous.

It was just something he had to think about. Something that he had to at least consider.

"Wednesday was Odin, who begot Baldur. And I am Wednesday's son, so that makes...I understand what that means, mythically." His fingers palmed the coin in his pocket but his voice was steady. "But I wouldn't to drag someone into the myth with all the gods to deal with, just because he had the bad luck of being Baldur's son. I don't want his life to get taken away like that."

[playingtheenemy.livejournal.com]

Ainsley listened very carefully. She knew better than most people what lineage could do to a person, even if her background was political and hardly mythological. "Shadow," she said very simply. "Half of the child will be Hayes. And trust me, we have no long lost traditions of that sort. If it comes down to that, he follows in my footsteps and not yours. Okay?"