theirlawyer: (aren't I delightful: by ancientfeelings)
[Sam talking confidently about 40% of the teachers in Kirkwood, Oregon not having enough textbooks, and the Republican education bill offering no money for textbooks. . . .]

"Ainsley Hayes, is that true?" -- Moderator
"No, it's not." -- Ainsley
"Is Sam Seaborn lying? -- Moderator

"Lying's an awfully strong word. . . yes, he's lying. And we should tell the truth about education. The bill contained plenty of money for new textbooks -- also, computer literacy, school safety, physical plant. The difference is we wanted to give the money directly to communities, and let them decide how best to spend it... on the off chance that the needs of Lincoln High in Dayton are different than the needs of Crenshaw High in South Central L.A."

"Sam, why did the President veto the bill?" -- Moderator

[Sam tries to get a word in edgewise, but Ainsley cuts him off.]

"Because it guaranteed by law that 95% of the money go directly into the classroom and bypass the pork barrel buffet, which is troubling to this President because he doesn't work for the students, and he doesn't work for the parents of the students -- he works for the teachers' union."

[Sam again tries to break in but can't.]

"The bill contained plenty of money for textbooks, Mark, and anyone who says otherwise is flat-out lying. And we should tell the truth about this... textbooks are important, if for no other reason than they accurately place the town of Kirkwood in California and not in Oregon."

"Please oh please, let them not be watching." -- Sam murmurs as they go to a commercial break.

Meanwhile back at the White house, Josh rushes into Toby's office saying:
"Toby, come quick -- Sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl!"

"Ginger, get the popcorn. . ." Toby says to his assistant as he follows Josh to a television.
theirlawyer: (doing the president's bidding)
SAM
You know, we should make a joke about women, 'cause there's no law against that or paying
them less money than men.

AINSLEY
Well, there is a law against that. It’s the Pay Equity Act. It's passed in 1964, when
women were making 59 cents to the dollar.

SAM
What are you making now?

AINSLEY
79 cents.

SAM
So, everything's fine.

AINSLEY
No, there are still some problems. But I’m not worried ‘cause the federal government’s
coming to the rescue.

SAM
Look...

AINSLEY
You think pay disparity is ‘cause some sexist in human resources hired two people for
equal positions and paid the man more?

SAM
Oftentimes...

AINSLEY
And oftentimes women make less money over the course of their lifetimes because they
choose to.

SAM
Oh, goodnight nurse! They don't choose to make less money. They're financially punished
for having kids.

AINSLEY
They made a choice to have kids.

SAM
Well, not necessarily if you guys have your way, but that's a different can of tuna.
[beat] I flat-out guarantee you that if men were biologically responsible for
procreation, there'd be paid family leave in every Fortune 500.

AINSLEY
Sam, if men were biologically responsible for procreation, they'd fall down and die at
the first sonogram.

Sam and Ainsley walk into THE MESS. Sam checks out the coffee maker while Ainsley gathers
up cups and saucers.

SAM
If the Amendment’s redundant, then what's your problem if it’s passed or not?

AINSLEY
Because I’m a Republican! Have we met? I believe that every time the federal government
hands down a new law, it leaves for the rest of us a little less freedom. So I say,
let’s just stick to the ones we absolutely need in order to have water come out of the
faucet and our cars not stolen. That is my problem with passing a redundant law.
[stands next to Sam with a full tray] Sam?

SAM
Yeah?

AINSLEY
The all-night pastry chef? You were just kidding about that, right?

SAM
Yeah.
theirlawyer: (honorable ainsley: by blownjello)
JOSH
You're not taking the job?

AINSLEY
No. But thank you for talking to me, instead of about me.

JOSH
Hey, I'm still back on he offered you the job... but you're not taking the job?

SAM
No, man, why participate in the process when you can get a job commenting on it?

AINSLEY
You think because I don't want to work here it's because I can get a better gig on
Geraldo? Gosh, let's see if there could possibly be any other reason why I wouldn't want
to work in this White House? This White House that feels that government is better for
children than parents are. That looks at forty years of degrading and humiliating free
lunches handed out in a spectacularly failed effort to level the playing field and says,
'Let's try forty more.' This White House that says of anyone that points that out to
them, that they are cold and mean and racist, and then accuses Republicans of using the
politics of fear. This White House that loves the Bill of Rights, all of them - except
the second one.

SAM
[looks at Josh nervously] This is the wrong place to talk about guns right now. I thought
your column was idiotic.

AINSLEY
Imagine my surprise.

SAM
[getting steadily more emotional] But for a brilliant surgical team and two centimeters
of a miracle, this guy's dead right now. From bullets fired from a gun bought legally.
They bought guns, they loaded them, they drove from Wheeling to Rosslyn, and until they
pulled the trigger they had yet to commit a crime. I am so off-the-charts tired of the
gun lobby tossing around words like 'personal freedom' and no one calling 'em on it.
[Josh moves away uncomfortably.] It's not about personal freedom, and it certainly has
nothing to do with public safety. It's just that some people like guns.

AINSLEY
Yes, they do. But you know what's more insidious than that? Your gun control position
doesn't have anything to do with public safety, and it's certainly not about personal
freedom. It's about you don't like people who do like guns. You don't like the people.
Think about that, the next time you make a joke about the South.
theirlawyer: (well excuse me)
AINSLEY
And I think you think I'm made out of candy glass, Celia. If somebody says something
that offends you, tell them, but all women don't have to think alike.

CELIA
I didn't say they did, and when somebody said something that offended me, I did say so.

AINSLEY
I like it when the guys tease me. It's an inadvertent show of respect that I'm on the
team and I don't mind it when it gets sexual. And you know why? I like sex.

CHARLIE
[surprised] Hello.

AINSLEY
I don't think that whatever sexuality I may have diminishes my power. I think it enhances it.

CELIA
And what kind of feminism do you call that?

AINSLEY
My kind.

GINGER
[from over her shoulder] It's called Lipstick Feminism. I call it Stiletto Feminism.

SAM
[intrigued] Stilettos?

AINSLEY
You're not in enough trouble already?

SAM
I suppose I am.

CELIA
Isn't the point that Sam wouldn't have been able to find another way to be chummy with
a woman who wasn't sexually appealing?

AINSLEY
He would be able to, but that isn't the point. The point is that sexual revolution tends
to get in the way of actual revolution. Nonsense issues distract attention away from real
ones: pay equity, child care, honest-to-God sexual harrassment and in this case, a speech
in front of the U.N. General Assembly. So, you, [to Sam] 25 percent on the assesments for
Category A. You... [Charlie looks up.] I don't know what your thing is. [turns to Celia]
And you, stop trying to take the fun out of my day. With that, I'm going to get a cupcake.
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