theirlawyer | [For Shadow]

Current Mood: anxious

[For Shadow]

Ainsley normally had issues with saying too much and not stopping soon enough and going on and on and on and now, to her horrible surprise, it seemed like not only was she talking entirely too much, but she was also telling the truth. And while that wasn't so bad around people who already knew her political and personal leanings, there was a teensy, tiny, little problem.

That happened to be her personal life.

And oh, God, she was so not looking forward to any of those questions. It wasn't as if she wanted to hide, either. That would just make her look more guilty as she'd grown used to seeing certain people every day, especially now that she lived in a hut far, far closer to them.

Like a certain man she happened to be dating. There was that issue, of course.

Oh dear God in heaven, why couldn't Ainsley have just been struck mute?

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"I would like to know them," Shadow agreed as he stepped up close and kissed her once on the mouth. Then he looked down at her fondly. "We could go back and forth, asking questions. Fair's fair, that way. Find out my truths too."

"That sounds absolutely terrifying," she admitted, but couldn't help leaning up into his kiss and leaning against him before standing on her own two feet. "But also very enticing, really. I don't know how I'm supposed to say no." She gently nodded to the door. "I guess someone should start? And it'll be me," she instantly decided. "Are you honestly okay after what happened the other day with the eye?"

He opened the door for her to give himself a moment, but seemed to start talking right away despite that. Not just forced honesty but immediate too.

"Not really. It's still all too big and new to really wrap my head around. And some of the things Eostre said scare me, even though I should have worked it out for myself. But I..." Shadow managed a pause for himself and looked at her as he fell into step with her. "I know that I will be honestly okay. So that's enough for right now."

"Good, I'm glad it won't be cause for perpetual damage," Ainsley replied, stepping past the door and into step with him as they walked. "I'd hate to think that the past haunts us like that and ruins our present, I really do."

She took a deep breath to brace herself for her question in turn.

"No, it won't. Just makes me re-evaluate things. Lot of things make a lot more sense." Lying in bed, sometimes he couldn't stop thinking about it. Going over events, trying to put all the pieces together again. But that was in the past now like she said, wasn't it?

"Why did you think your talking and truth-telling would ruin things?"

Ainsley felt herself freeze up with panic and she gaped at him for a long moment before she swallowed and the words were tempted to burst forward. "Because I want things that are too forward for what you and I have right now and those things aren't going to ever go away and I thought by now. Well, I though by now, I'd have been started down those paths."

He frowned slightly in confusion but reached down to squeeze her hand reassuringly. "What do-" Then he caught himself and, smiling slightly, shook his head. "It's your turn."

Ainsley took a deep breath and nodded, glad for the momentary reprieve, seeing as she wanted to ease into it, if they were going to get into it. "Doesn't doing what you are with Karen scare you? I mean, to just jump into being a father to someone the way you did, aren't you terrified of something going awry? I know I am, even in my limited capacity of watching her."

"When I really stop to think about it, yeah," Shadow admitted reluctantly. "And whenever the word 'father' comes up , because it's not...it feels presumptuous. Because she's got a real father somewhere, and me and Rollie're just...I don't know. Something else. But I'm not worried about doing wrong by her, just because there's enough people around to keep me from screwing up too badly."

There was a pause and then he looked at her, practically bashful. "Is that enough of an answer for you?"

"It is, yes," she agreed, glad to have heard that yes, he was scared and he wasn't perfect because while what he was doing was admirable, Ainsley just wanted to know that he wasn't too perfect, that one day, he wouldn't think her unworthy of his sheer perfection and incredibleness. "You're both doing an amazing job," she swore. "Karen is lucky to have men like you in her life."

She lifted his hand to punctuate that with a kiss to his knuckles while waiting for the next question.

At the kiss, he smiled and then squeezed her hand again. This was fine, so far. This was nothing to be concerned about.

"What sort of things do you want?"

It was almost scarily open-ended.

Ainsley's mouth went dry and she opened her lips and before she could even warn him, things that were previously only in her mind and on diary pages began to fill the air. "I thought I'd be married by thirty-five. Have a child by thirty-eight. By forty, I was hoping to be appointed Counsel to the White House and possibly running a campaign by forty-three," she listed. "I'd work my way back into law and become a judge by forty-five and then by the time I was fifty-five, I'd make it onto the Supreme Court by way of a Republican nomination that would sail through the court."

"And yes. Yes, I did have this all planned out and I was thirty-three when I got here and I had been on track at home. Maybe I didn't have the guy, but I had the options and I had the plans," she insisted.

"Okay."

Shadow had never really wanted things, not like that. It was something that Laura's mom had harped on constantly, that he was an unambitious sloth of a man. Maybe in the face of Ainsley it was true. But he just put his arm around her and held her close as he nodded again. "Okay."

Ainsley went with him, but she was frozen and still, incredibly unresponsive in the face of saying so much and spilling it out like that and so she just stood there, for once in her life, speechless.

It took him a moment and then he looked at her steadily and vaguely concerned.

After a few seconds, he touched her once and asked gently. "What's the matter?"

"I'm feeling incredibly panicky and very uncomfortable right now," she admitted, blinking rapidly as she stared up at him. "I don't say this because that was home, this should be now, it should be now and I should have new plans, but I don't. I've been here two years and I still don't have new plans and I am sorry for that," she bluntly remarked.

"This isn't really a place for plans," Shadow pointed out but didn't quite know what to do in the face of a panicking Ainsley. He swallowed and shook his head. "It doesn't mean this isn't your home. Here, ah, where do you see yourself in five years?"

She took a deep breath and stared up at him with wide eyes. "If by some stroke of fate, I'm here five years later, I want to be with someone I love." She took a deep breath and this one, she felt she owed him. "Someone like you."

Shadow looked back at her steadily and something in his chest twisted at the look in her eyes as she said it. ""I would like that," he told her, even t hough that wasn't nearly accurate, that didn't come close to describing it.

"That's waht I want out of five years on too. And a ten-year-old Karen. A quiet life."

Ainsley gave a nervous laugh at that, imagining Karen at ten years old and she couldn't see her changing that much, in terms of personality. There was something though, that she needed to say, out and out.

She took hold of his other hand, ceasing their walking and looked up at him. "Shadow," she started, soft and sure. "I love you."

Shadow grinned at that and leaned down to kiss her against her mouth then pulled back enough to look at her with his free hand still cupping her cheek.

"I love you." It was a theory of Shadow's that adding 'too' to the end of it just detracted from the sentiment, somehow. "I do. I have. This is not a compulsive honesty thing."

"I wouldn't mind if it was," she promised, the tones of relief ringing through her voice and a bubbled laugh came out as she leaned up on her toes and kissed him, harder than the one before, throwing her arms around his neck for support as she leaned all the way up.

Shadow caught her up easily and bent down to meet her mouth eagerly. Smiling against her mouth, he kissed her back deeply.

It was a movie-ending kiss, James Bond with the heroine necking on the beach as the space craft burns in the background. In this case, Shadow wasn't exactly sure who was the secret agent and who was the eye candy, but either way he didn't care.

Ainsley let her eyes flutter shut as he kissed her back and she was glad that she'd stopped caring about public perception so many months back. When she had to breathe, she eased back, licking her lips and tasting him and she liked it. Did she ever like it.

"I think between that kiss and all the panic, today is starting to come out evenly," she said.

He smiled at her but still didn't pull away by much. "Truth-telling doesn't seem so bad now, no," Shadow agreed easily.

"You've got another question chance, if we're still playing that game."

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